me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
