I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
