i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Randomize
