I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
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she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
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Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
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