I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
