hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I would fuck him just for his dog
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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