It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
