whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Randomize
