Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
