I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize