Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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