i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
