Sponge bath it is.
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
