some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Randomize
