cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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