Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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