She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
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and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
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She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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