I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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