i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
