I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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