So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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