if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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