We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
We're not piercing ourselves today.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
