reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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