he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
