she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
he fucked my hip out of place.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
