I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
