Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize