i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
