i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
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