I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
