Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
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