Don't you send me to vm
honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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