Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize