Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Randomize
