I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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