I didn't shave. On purpose
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Just pee around me
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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