When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
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