its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
It was confusing and full of hummus
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
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