Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
