i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I licked your asshole in confidence.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
