OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
