If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
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