Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
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