I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
