mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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