I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
