I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
The air taste purple.
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