i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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