Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
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