He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
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