If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
