this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize
