I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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