i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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