No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
