every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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