i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
