I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
