k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
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He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
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We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
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