so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
