I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Randomize
