I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
