you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
