i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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