Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
